The Naked Truth about Labor Support
For those Amazing Labor Support Partners
Birth support is seriously hard work. Not nearly as hard as getting the baby out, but it really calls on all of your mental, emotional & physical reserves. After hearing 20 years of birth stories, from both sides, here are a few really helpful tips that you might not get in that birth book.
Know Your Birth Sh*t
Your partner didn’t get pregnant alone so they shouldn’t be the only ones prepping & planning for the upcoming birth. I know the parent actually growing the fetus tends to carry most of the birth load, literally, but it is an actual team effort.
Go to birth classes together. I can’t count the number of solo students in my classes, not because they didn’t have a partner but because they chose not to attend. I know it seems like other matters, like painting the house are priority, but in the grand scheme of things, that paint chip won’t give you the preparation you need and your baby could care less what color you chose.
Learn all about the process of labor and how you can best support it. Talk to other parents to see what worked for them. Practice labor support techniques throughout pregnancy, in and out of class, so you can be a badass in the birth room.
Good Vibes Only
No complaining about how long birth is taking, don’t moan about your own physical discomforts (seriously), no panicking outwardly, and don’t get your feelings hurt if they communicate curtly in labor – they are doing the best they can to even get words out. Period.
Check Your Testosterone at the Birth Door
Protecting your person, including the new little person on their way, is a huge responsibility. Your job is literally to protect the birthing space. Attempt to keep your calm when dealing with staff, even if you are annoyed or angry. Aggression could get you removed from the room entirely, and that makes it really hard to advocate. Deep breaths!
Get Cliterate
You’re not alone if the clitoris has elluded you so far, almost the whole of humanity is just discovering the true anatomy and nature of the clitoris. Thank you, doctor Helen O’Connell for finally fully mapping the clitoris in 2005. Yep, not that long ago.
If you were actually born with one, odds are you weren’t taught about it, so we can be sure that people without one are even more confused about it’s placement & function. Why am I even talking about sexual pleasure?
The Naked Truth – the hormones that drive conception & birth are the same. Orgasm releases oxytocin & oxytocin is the sexy goddess hormone that gets that uterus contracting. See where I am going with this?
Learning how to help your partner release oxytocin is beneficial for everyone all around; it provides a hormone boost before labor begins, it might even help kick start labor & yes, dare I go there, even in labor it is beneficial.
Great resources:
Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters – and How to Get It by Laurie Mintz
Hygiene Please
I feel like this is self explanatory. Pregnant peeps already have heightened senses and the last thing they need in labor is more smells to annoy them. You are working hard, doing all the hip squeezes, panting & breathing and that hygiene kit is really going to come in handy.
Slather on deodorant if you use it, do a quick teeth cleaning or at least bring gum and mints. They’ll thank you for it!
Stay Sober...Seriously
My own birth doula called me when I was nearing term because she wanted to imbibe a bit that evening. Why did she give me a ring? To make sure labor wasn’t imminent and she would be sloshed instead of supportive.
This is a really good guide for you as well. If your partner is term (37 weeks) or if possible prelabor signs are showing, stay sober. I know it sounds silly, but it happens time and again. It’s your turn to be the DD!
Hit the Gym
Whatever your preferred method of strength training is, you might want to boost your biceps a bit. True labor support can be physically exhausting. They might hit a point where you have to actually hold them up and provide lots of physical support. Massaging for hours and utilizing techniques like the double hip squeeze are other factors that exhaust your muscles. You might be moving, rocking, breathing and upright with them for a lot of labor so stamina and strength are important for the endurance activity that is birth. Just remember that you can’t complain about how tired your arms are – keep that shit to yourself!
Massage, Massage, Massage
Learn how to give a good massage and practice during pregnancy. As a birth doula, this was my #1 utilized skill because it relaxes tense muscles, sends feel good signals up to the brain, relieves pain and releases oxytocin which enhances labor.
There are a lot of techniques and you might use different types of touch in labor + grab a few handy helpers aka hand massagers so you can give your own hands a break and protect your wrists in labor.
You're an Expert
Your birth team is trained in birth, but you know your loved one better than they do. You are way more invested in the outcome of this birth than they are to be honest because this is your life!
Even if you feel out of your depth in the realm of birth, use your intimate knowledge of your partner to support, communicate & advocate in a way that resonates with them. You are already the expert in that arena!
