Staying Connected with Your Partner
After Adding a Newborn into the Mix
During pregnancy, most parents focus on birth & how to effectively get the baby out. Many parents go a step beyond birth class to learn about breastfeeding & newborn care skills, but most parents neglect a really important aspect of new parenthood until they are knee deep in diapers. Maintaining your relationship as you learn to navigate parenthood together and morph into new versions of yourselves takes patience & understanding. It is a huge time of transition for everyone that proves stressful to most new family units. Below are just a few ways to stay connected with each while also learning to connect with your new baby (who wouldn’t be here if you weren’t already connected).
Foster Cozy Feelings
Staying connected with your partner while you are both exhausted, covered in baby spit up and leaking all sorts of fluids is challenging. Finding time to connect with each other in little ways will go a long way to keep your relationship healthy. It won’t include a date night alone, an all nighter & most likely won’t include anything sexy for a while, but it is important to find new ways of showing love. Be creative with your new connections.
Oxytocin Boosts
Oxytocin is your love, bonding & connection hormone. Keeping your oxytocin flowing will increase feelings of calm & connection. Below are a few suggestions to boost your oxytocin that don’t include a milk let down.
- massage
- cuddling
- talking
- holding hands
- kissing
- skin to skin
- laughing together
- hugging
- appreciate each other
- listen to one another’s birth experiences
- home dates
- chore play (the new foreplay)
Resuming Intimacy (for postpartum virgins)
Losing your postpartum virginity has many parallels to the first time around. It can be awkward, painful, unsexy and hard to sneak away to even try.
FYI: A cesarean birth doesn’t equal less pain with postpartum intercourse so be gentle with your body, whether it is recovering from vaginal birth or surgical birth, every body needs time to recover.
These are just a few suggestions from parents that have been there.
- allow birth healing first
- wait for vaginal bleeding/lochia to stop
- make sure the perineum is fully healed and pain has subsided
- scar tissue massage can help
- lube is your friend – especially if you are lactating because Mother Nature’s natural postpartum birth control is to dry out your vagina
- connect 1st with no expectations – see fostering cozy feelings & boosting oxytocin above
- explore birth control options – Mother Nature’s dry vag isn’t 100%
- explore different types of sex – this is a great time to get creative or get really good at foreplay
- 6 weeks is not a magic sex number – most perineums have healed by 6 weeks but bodies & minds still may not be ready yet