How to Be a Supportive Partner During Labor
The birth of a new baby is an incredibly meaningful event. As the partner of someone giving birth, it’s your job to provide emotional and physical support during labor in order to help them make this process as positive and stress-free as possible. This includes being knowledgeable about what to expect, understanding how best to provide comfort and reassurance, and helping your partner feel safe and supported throughout their birthing experience. It also means being confident in yourself and your ability to be a helpful birth partner.
Learning About Labor and Preparing for the Day
A good way to prepare for labor is to attend prenatal classes with your partner. These can give you both valuable insight into the stages of labor, options for birth, movements for labor & practical hands-on partner techniques .
It’s also important to take the time to discuss with your partner their individual preferences for labor which helps you craft your job description for labor. Practicing different labor positions, breathing patterns and massage techniques is a way to have some planned rituals for birth.
Additionally, it may be wise to hire a doula who has experience and knowledge about birthing that might help you feel more confident when the time comes. Professional labor support is not there to take over your role – they are a great addition to the team and can provide tips, tricks, knowledge and support for you both.
Staying Active and Focused During Labor
When it is finally time for labor, having a plan of action can help both of you stay focused & feel more confident. The planned rituals that you practiced in class will be a great foundation for moving into labor.
You might find that spontaneous rituals are helpful as well so letting go of prior expectations and planning to embrace what feels good. You might find new ways to move, an entirely new repertoire of vocalizations and invent partner massage techniques that fit your labor.
Planning & surrendering are both applicable to birth.
Ways to Provide Support During Labor
Physical Support
Physical support is a primary component to good labor support.
As labor spirals towards the finish line, it requires a lot of physical stamina. Laboring upright, using gravity, rocking, swaying, and dancing can all be effective in getting a baby out but exhausting on a laboring body.
Many labors become so intense that you cannot hold yourself up during contractions, so you just rely on anything sturdy close by, usually the labor support team.
Use your body to bolster them up. Find ways to add a little extra support with whatever positions they are using. During a slow dance, you are holding them and rocking side to side. Make your body a sturdy base for a supported squat. Assist with leg holding during side lying pushing. It might be as simple as them leaning into you.
Add in grounding touch, massage & hip presses to provide another level of comfort.
Your job is to be a continuous physical presence, maybe touching, maybe not, but ready to assist when needed.
Labor support requires stamina and strength from you too!
Emotional Support
Emotional support through presence, encouragement, reassurance, and sometimes even humor (proceed with caution) can be incredibly helpful during labor.
You know them better than anyone else on the birth team. Questions and contractions don’t mix well together so avoid idle chatter and asking what you can do. Try comfort techniques that you know they like and be prepared to switch it up according to their preferences.
Tailor your emotional support to them. Is their vibe meditation music with quiet words of affirmation or a bit more rock n roll while you affirm that they are a birthing badass? Most people need verbal encouragement to know they can get through the process, whatever that sounds like for them.
Practical Assistance
Sometimes labor support is really practical. Driving to the birth place, filling out intake forms, communicating birth plans with staff, calling the dog sitter, keeping them fed & hydrated, helping them empty their bladder…
Labor support encompasses many different facets, sometimes dynamic, sometimes super practical, always useful.
Protecting the Birth Space
You are the protector of the birth space, whether it is in your home, in a free standing birth center or in a hospital birth suite. Your job is to keep the primary labor hormone, Oxytocin, flowing! Oxytocin flows best in a warm, dim, judgement-free, safe, environment.
Setting up an Oxytocin-friendly birth space could include dim lights and flameless candles, a curated birth playlist, a closed door or a please knock sign, banning unwanted family or unnecessary personnel, quiet voices & your constant presence.
Keep it flowing with massage, warm baths, words of encouragement & loving touch.
Maintaining Calm and
Supporting Your Partner After Birth
Once your baby is born, don’t forget about your partner’s needs for care and comfort after delivery. It is common for people to shift all of the focus on the newborn, but touch, words of praise, sips of fluid and maybe even help holding the baby are all very welcome.
Being a supportive partner during labor is an invaluable role that can make the experience feel more like a team effort. When your partner feels heard and understood, it can help them trust their body’s natural birth instincts. Having a protected space to try new things as they progress throughout labor will create a safe and beautiful atmosphere for you both to share in this fantastic moment of becoming parents. With these tips in mind, you may be surprised how prepared you are to take on the important role of support during birth and as a new parent after birth.
Support Tips for Early Labor
- Handle plans for pets or other children
- Call doula/labor support team
- Offer light foods & hydration
- Feed yourself
- Don't go to work or leave unless it is necessary or birth related
- Prepare the car: load the prepacked birth bag, gas in the tank, infant seat properly installed
- Distract: games, shows, jokes
- Boost oxytocin levels: walks, massage, cuddles, good food
- Encourage alternating rest with movement
- Begin to offer closer, more hands on support when you notice they have to stop and breathe with contractions
- Charge phones + pack chargers
- Breathe yourself to stay calm + encourage their breathing
- Time some contractions: check out timing apps here
Support Tips for Active Labor
- Call the birth place/healthcare provider when/if you are planning to leave your home
- Know directions to the birthplace, which entrance to use and the parking situation
- Call the midwife if you are birthing at home
- Assist with all check in paperwork
- After admission, explore the birth room and get settled in
- Know where the things are in your room for you to use: birth tub, wash rags, puke bin
- Know where comfort tools are packed in the labor bag
- Become the protector of the environment: lights, music, smells, people, noise, drinks - keep the oxytocin flowing!
- Attune yourself to what they need: physical support, emotional support, breath work, encouragement, interacting with staff, grounding touch, massage, eye contact, help to the bathroom, positions changes, choosing pain management
- Keep breathing
- Be present!
Support Tips for Transition
- Focus 100% on your partner
- Remember that this is the shortest and most intense part of labor
- If they are unmedicated, usually the most intense stage of labor for support
- All of the labor support skills still apply but usually an increase in emotional support is needed if they are hitting the wall
- Seriously, some people try to quit right about now!
- DO NOT take anything personally, it can be hard to communicate needs so they may be short or terse with you
Support Tips for Pushing
- Don't panic if contractions pause, take a break & catch your breath too
- Staff may direct in how to assist during pushing
- This usually involves holding a leg or supporting in a squat
- With an epidural, legs may feel heavy and need extra support
- Be mindful of their natural flexibility and don't exceed that - they may not be able to feel injuries that are happening while numb
- Moral support & encouraging words instead of loud coaching & counting (unless they request that)
- Do not stare at their vulvas/vaginas in awe unless you are invited to
- Do not, I repeat, do not freak out if they poop - they are pushing an entire human out of their body!
- Cut the cord after birth if you want to
- Offer sips of fluid
- Enjoy meeting your baby together
- Get food as soon as they are ready to eat